The Amazing Adventures of Jefurisan
by The SleepWalker
Summary: When Jeff, a non-believer is swept away into anime mayhem, anything can happen!  Rated R for language and drug hijynx!  Chapter One: Escaflowne is up!


Chapter One: Escaflowne

It is Trippy

Jeffery sat on the bleachers of Lahser High, smoking a joint and feeling rather content. He took a drag and looked up into the sky.

_Jefuri-san._

Jeff glanced around, and, upon seeing no one, turned to the roach in his hand.

_Jefuri-san._

"Wow," he said, taking another hit, "this is some potent shit!"

_JEFURI-SAN!_

This time the young man looked out into the field. A darkly cloaked figure stood out in the middle, staring at him from under a black hood. "Are you talking to me?" And suddenly, the sky opened and a beam of light surrounded Jeff. His stomach lurched as his feet left the ground, but then he saw the joint floating in front of him and smiled. "This is some _really_ potent shit…"

When the white light left, Jeff assumed his high had gone with it. But then he realized that Lahser had completely disappeared. He stood in the middle of a grassy field with no sign of civilization in sight. "Where the hell am I?" He wondered aloud.

Suddenly, a large, clunky foot landed in the grass behind him and a giant hand came out of nowhere and scooped him up. The young man couldn't remember _ever_ having a trip like this. Needless to say, Jeff was a bit surprised. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!" The Giant robot-thing seemed to laugh.

"If you keep squirming, I'm gonna drop you." Said a not so familiar voice.

_Dan!_ Exclaimed an ethereal, very familiar voice that Jeff recognized as his otaku friend, Danni, _Be nice!_

"Dan?" Asked Jeff, "as in, your boyfriend, Dan?"

The front of the Guymelef opened with a juicy CRACK! And there sat this guy with long brown hair and a goatee. He nodded at Jeff. "At your service." Then he turned to the sky. "Can't I just drop him a couple of times?"

_No! Don't worry Jeff; I won't let you get hurt _too_ badly…_

"Danni," said Jeff, staring up at the sky, "what are you doing?"

_Trying to teach you a lesson…_

"Come on," said Dan, closing the front of the armor, "we're running late." And with that the robot began walking over the green hills that seemed completely uninhabited. Jeff just held on for dear life.

It took them a little while to get to the palace in the duchy of Freud, and Dan tried not to say anything. Jeff had only just started to calm down when they arrived. Young Chid was waiting for them. Dan set the young man down, bowed elegantly to the child and left without another word. "Who are you?" asked the little boy.

"I think the question is more like who are you?" replied Jeff unhappily.

Chid decided to humor him. "I am the heir to the duchy of Freid. Who are you?"

"Yeah, sure. You're what, five?"

"Yes, actually."

"Look, I want to talk to someone who isn't a kid, all right?"

As if on cue, out of the palace came a tall young woman. Millerna looked at Jeff with curiosity. "Who is this?" She asked her nephew.

"I don't know; he hasn't introduced himself yet."

The young man held his hand out to the young woman to shake. "Jeff."

"Don't disrespect my nephew." Smirked Millerna. Chid stood there frowning.

Suddenly, before he could figure out what was going on, Jeff was tackled. "Jefuri-san!" Exclaimed a high, child-like voice. There, sitting on his chest was a young girl. With a tail. And cat ears. She began hugging him and snuggling. "Jefuri-san!!!"

Chid's face seemed to soften. "Oh, you're a friend of Merle's. You're welcome then…"

"Yeah," said Jeff not knowing what the hell they were talking about and trying to wriggle out of the cat-girl's grasp, "a friend of Merle's that's right…" He watched Millerna walk away with the young heir, leaving him to the task at hand. "Get off me!" He exclaimed.

The cat-girl did as she was told, looking fairly disappointed. "Now, who are _you_?"

"I'm Merle, silly!"

"_You're_ Merle?" The cat-girl nodded. "Great…" Then Jeff began walking off toward the palace.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to find that one chick, she was hot…"

"But Van-sama wants to see you!"

"Van who?"

"Van-sama!"

"Whatever. Look, I'm not planning on going along with this little story thing Danni's doing. I'm going to go, find whoever that was and try to get her number." Merle started hissing but Jeff paid her no mind. He walked up to the grand doors of the palace and went inside.

The place was huge and Jeff wondered which way the young woman had gone. Having no idea, he chose a direction at random and began walking. The high ceilings and marble floors caused his footsteps to echo throughout, often tricking him into following. Soon he was horribly lost, tired and sore. But being hard-headed, he didn't give up. That was when his luck kicked in. He turned a corner and there she was, sitting in a chair in front of a window, seemingly deep in thought. "Hey," he said, cheering up. "I've been looking all over for you."

She turned and looked at him with a bored, unimpressed look on her face. "Yes?"

"I was wondering if you want to do something later," replied the young man, "you know, see a movie, get some coffee?" Millerna just looked confused. Jeff sighed. He was not in his own world. He didn't know if this messed-up world even had movie theaters. "Look, you're hot, and I'd like to get know you better."

The young woman blushed, but it wasn't one of those "aw, shucks" blushes. This was angrier. "Not interested, thank you."

"Oh, come on." Retorted Jeff, "All I want is to hang out, I'm not asking to sleep with you or anything!"

"Please get out."

"Not until you give me a chance."

"Allen!" she yelled. "I need your assistance!"

The door to the chamber opened and in came a tall guy with long blonde hair, toting a stately sword. He glanced at Millerna who nodded toward the intruder. Allen drew his sword and pointed it at Jeff. "Get out."

The young man just stared at Allen. "Hey, man, I'm not doing _anything_…"

Allen quickly lost his patients and took a swing. Jeff nearly shit himself as the tip of the sword came within a hair of his Adam's apple. Falling backwards, he scrambled out of the room and down the hall. He skidded across the well-polished marble floors and managed to run head-on into Hitomi, knocking her over. "Hey!" She exclaimed, "that hurt!"

Jeff rubbed his head. "Sorry about that…" he said, getting up.

Hitomi looked up at him. "You're Jefuri, aren't you?"

"Jeff."

"Van is looking for you, you know. Shouldn't keep him waiting too long. Gets grouchy."

Jeff sighed. It was obvious that with Danni in control he would eventually do what she wanted him to anyway. So he gave in. "Where is he?"

Hitomi walked him down to where the Guymelefs were being kept. Van stood on the shoulder of Escaflowne, looking down on the two. "I don't like you coming out into battle with us," he said, pointing, "but yours is over there."

Jeff glanced in the direction and saw he was pointing at a giant robot. He looked up at the ceiling. "You've _got_ to be kidding me."

_Oh come_ on_! It'll be fun!_

"You've _got_ to be kidding me!"

Van looked at Hitomi. "Who is he talking to?" The girl just shrugged.

That's when Allen decided to show up. Within seconds Jeff was scrambling into the waiting Guymelef, along with all of the other fighters. As soon as he was situated, the armor snapped shut around him. The young man couldn't help feeling slightly apprehensive about being inside the fleshy structure, but it was too late; Van was giving him orders. "The enemy is right outside. Keep an eye out for anything strange…"

And with that, the rest of them began taking monstrous steps toward the outside. Jeff didn't move.

_What's the problem?_

"I'm not going out there! I'm done with this!"

_Don't be such a spoilsport!_

"Fuck you! This doesn't have anything to do with me!"

_The sooner you defeat them, the sooner you get out of this anime…_

Jeff exhailed and then slowly proceeded to follow Van out onto the battlefield. The sun was bright and the skies blue, and for the life of him, Jeff could not see anything wrong. Then all of a sudden his Guymelef was flying through the air. It hit the ground with a crushing THUD! And Jeff just lay there for a moment, stunned. "Shit!" Not at all gracefully, he managed to get himself back onto his feet. Before he could do anything else he was hit from the side. "Fuck! Danni!"

_On your left…_

Jeff swung the mech's tree-like arm and managed to connect. The scenery flickered and revealed an enemy mech. Thinking quickly, the young man plunged his only weapon, a sword, into the enemy's armor, splitting it. The Guymelef fell harmlessly and there was a very warm, bloodthirsty feeling that accompanied the sound of it hitting the earth. Jeff swung to his right and caught another right in the chest, crushing it. The others on his side were doing well, using Van and Hitomi's guidance. Soon all of the enemy Guymelefs had been vanquished.

"That was fucking crazy!" Exclaimed Jeff as he followed his cohorts back inside.

_I told you it'd be fun._

"That wasn't fun, that was insane." Retorted Jeff as he climbed out of the mech.

Immediately he was tackled by a rambunctious Merle. "Jefuri-san!" She giggled. Van looked distinctly jealous. "Jefuri-san! You did so well!"

Millerna walked over and smirked down at him. "Not bad. For a beginner."

Allen came up behind her and stared Jeff straight in the eye as he helped him up. "Not bad at all."

"Uh, thanks…" Replied Jeff, not all that sure about how much he wanted to be _that_ close to Allen.

Millerna just smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek. "Hey," said the young man, smiling, "this isn't so bad…" and just as he was about to follow her back into the castle, everything turned white.


End file.
